conscious limits

It was about 9:30 am when I found myself propelled into another happening of déjà vu. We were on a bus headed to Peoria for the 'Freaky Friday' field trip and I was talking to a 4th grader from another camp. Not to my surprise, it wasn't long before a few boys interrupted our conversation. As they struggled to get my attention, I grew confused and had difficulty deciding which persons to listen to. I could either continue my conversation with the girl I was talking to or shift my attention to the boys behind me (they were talking simultaneously). At first, I tried listening to all of the banter, but quickly lost track of what they were saying. It's my contention that I could not focus on all of them due to that eerie feeling déjà vu harbors. The only thing on my mind was something like, wait a minute--I've experienced this before. It was then that I quickly dealt with the boys behind me and continued my conversation as before.

So what the heck is the point? I've had déjà vu several times before and most of these instances seem completely random and meaningless. I usually draw the conclusion that I've dreamed the incident prior to its occurrence, probably years in advance. But I'm not sure how or why any of this happens. Regardless, it leaves my jaw dropped every time. If anything, it's further testimony to the fact that the mind and consciousness are full of mysteries. The conscious mind yields everything that we are, yet it is the very product of consciousness that cannot understand its source. What exactly is the entity that is seeing, feeling, etc.? What is controlling my actions and thoughts? What am I?

Some philosophers contend that this question cannot be answered. According to the anti-reflexivity principle, an entity cannot operate on itself. That is, a finger cannot point at itself, a knife cannot cut itself, etc. This suggests that the conscious mind, the understander, cannot understand itself. Therefore, we will never understand the essence of consciousness, nor will we understand what selves are. This is a view I've had no problem adopting. It would explain why scientists don't even have a framework for the subject of consciousness. Though, one might object to the above principle, citing the fire that burns itself or the light that illuminates itself. Either way, it's good food for thought.

I'll refrain from boring you further. Enjoy the weekend.